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I'm realizing that my problems sprout from shit that is way deeper than i thought. From the way I handle my relationships to the way I precieve certain things. I could actually shed a tear writing this right now because im trying to figure out how to explain myself properly & i cant. I don't want this to be a pitty post but I'll be straight up today. I had an epiphany earlier when I was hanging out with my bestfriends and their boyfriends. Me and my bestfriend Nala went to go pick up Koisey (other bestfriend) while the boys (Nala & Koisey's bfs) went to the gas station real quick. Once we all met up again the boys had bought icey's and got one for their girlfriends as well. Now don't get me wrong I wasn't mad at them or nothing it just made me kind of pity myself at that moment. I started to think, " I know what kind of girl I am, Shit im a good fucken person too! So why doesn't anyone see that in me? Im smart, goofy, I aint that damn ugly lol like wtf. Then i started to evaluate my relationships. The reason I even began messing with the guys i do was just because I wanted to feel loved. it really sucks admitting this because I have made up so many excuses as to how its not quote on quote "that serious" But truth is it is that serious, because insecurities don't just appear out of thin air either, I was never taught how to love myself, I never had a dad to show me how I should be treated by a guy . & As much as i hate to admit it, my insecurities make me settle for less than i deserve. But listen here you, this life of mine is a work in progress & yours should be too. & if you are anything like me I think i might have an idea on the things we need to work on. 1) is learning how to love ourselves whole heartedly & being our own #1 fan first. Because hey think about it the only person who is in total control of your lifes improvement is you. Cause when there isnt anyone to pull you up you have to know you have the strength to pull yourself together. Idk I guess you got to get deep into your emotions in order to get to the bottom of things. & To think a fuckin icey brought me to this. wow. Monday, August 4, 2014
The time an Icey told me to love myself
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I'm realizing that my problems sprout from shit that is way deeper than i thought. From the way I handle my relationships to the way I precieve certain things. I could actually shed a tear writing this right now because im trying to figure out how to explain myself properly & i cant. I don't want this to be a pitty post but I'll be straight up today. I had an epiphany earlier when I was hanging out with my bestfriends and their boyfriends. Me and my bestfriend Nala went to go pick up Koisey (other bestfriend) while the boys (Nala & Koisey's bfs) went to the gas station real quick. Once we all met up again the boys had bought icey's and got one for their girlfriends as well. Now don't get me wrong I wasn't mad at them or nothing it just made me kind of pity myself at that moment. I started to think, " I know what kind of girl I am, Shit im a good fucken person too! So why doesn't anyone see that in me? Im smart, goofy, I aint that damn ugly lol like wtf. Then i started to evaluate my relationships. The reason I even began messing with the guys i do was just because I wanted to feel loved. it really sucks admitting this because I have made up so many excuses as to how its not quote on quote "that serious" But truth is it is that serious, because insecurities don't just appear out of thin air either, I was never taught how to love myself, I never had a dad to show me how I should be treated by a guy . & As much as i hate to admit it, my insecurities make me settle for less than i deserve. But listen here you, this life of mine is a work in progress & yours should be too. & if you are anything like me I think i might have an idea on the things we need to work on. 1) is learning how to love ourselves whole heartedly & being our own #1 fan first. Because hey think about it the only person who is in total control of your lifes improvement is you. Cause when there isnt anyone to pull you up you have to know you have the strength to pull yourself together. Idk I guess you got to get deep into your emotions in order to get to the bottom of things. & To think a fuckin icey brought me to this. wow.
Moral of the story I need to build my confidence.
I'm realizing that my problems sprout from shit that is way deeper than i thought. From the way I handle my relationships to the way I precieve certain things. I could actually shed a tear writing this right now because im trying to figure out how to explain myself properly & i cant. I don't want this to be a pitty post but I'll be straight up today. I had an epiphany earlier when I was hanging out with my bestfriends and their boyfriends. Me and my bestfriend Nala went to go pick up Koisey (other bestfriend) while the boys (Nala & Koisey's bfs) went to the gas station real quick. Once we all met up again the boys had bought icey's and got one for their girlfriends as well. Now don't get me wrong I wasn't mad at them or nothing it just made me kind of pity myself at that moment. I started to think, " I know what kind of girl I am, Shit im a good fucken person too! So why doesn't anyone see that in me? Im smart, goofy, I aint that damn ugly lol like wtf. Then i started to evaluate my relationships. The reason I even began messing with the guys i do was just because I wanted to feel loved. it really sucks admitting this because I have made up so many excuses as to how its not quote on quote "that serious" But truth is it is that serious, because insecurities don't just appear out of thin air either, I was never taught how to love myself, I never had a dad to show me how I should be treated by a guy . & As much as i hate to admit it, my insecurities make me settle for less than i deserve. But listen here you, this life of mine is a work in progress & yours should be too. & if you are anything like me I think i might have an idea on the things we need to work on. 1) is learning how to love ourselves whole heartedly & being our own #1 fan first. Because hey think about it the only person who is in total control of your lifes improvement is you. Cause when there isnt anyone to pull you up you have to know you have the strength to pull yourself together. Idk I guess you got to get deep into your emotions in order to get to the bottom of things. & To think a fuckin icey brought me to this. wow. 
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